Romantic Expectations

It has recently come to my attention that I think I may have fairly high expectations of the male gender. You know why this is? Chick flicks. And Disney.

I was sat watching What Happens in Vegas the other day, you know, the one with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher (who is mighty fine in that film, I'd like to add), and as in every chick flick, darling Ashton upsets Cameron and she goes running off to sit on an island and he goes running after her. I don't think that happens in real life. I've never had Ashton Kutcher come running after me when I'm feeling a little sad.... I WISH. But seriously, every time a boy has upset me, or has broken up with me, there is a little part of me that hopes and dreams and wishes that he will come and do a great big Romantic Gesture. And he never has.

I remember when my first proper boyfriend and I broke up, he told me months later that he regretted the decision as soon as he woke up the next morning, and I told him that there was nothing I wanted more than to hear a knock on the door and to see his face. He told me that there were some days he just wanted to get on a bus to see me and to beg for my forgiveness. But he didn't. (If you're reading this....it's ok, I forgive you!!!!)

Take my sixth-form May Ball for example. I went to an all girls school, but the May Ball was for the students of my school and the boys school down the road. I wasn't particularly close with any of the guys to be honest, but there was still a little part of me that hoped and dreamed that when I arrived at the reception area there'd be a boy standing there with a corsage for me and declaring his undying love. It didn't happen.

Or, you know, everyone has that person who is a friend, but sort of more than a friend, as you can definitely sort of see something maybe happening with them, but you're not really sure how they feel (great English there, Harri). Well, I'm just saying that it would be nice if they announced in a lovely heart-warming manner that they feel the same about you. It will probably never happen.

I don't know why I bring about these expectations and hopes and dreams upon myself, because at the end of the day, no one is going to get hurt except me. Is it too much to ask though, to have one boy to do something really romantic and throw pebbles at my window, or to come find me if I was on holiday in Berlin or somewhere, or even plan out this great big surprise visit with all my friends and when I walk through the door they pick me up and announce that what he did was wrong, and he's sorry etc, like they do in the films.

I'm a complete hopeless romantic, I'm totally in love with the idea of true love, and I believe that my soul mate is walking around right now, maybe thinking these thoughts too. Perhaps I've already met them. That thought is really thrilling. I would be willing to do all of those things that I've listed above, but there's one thing that holds me back. The fear of rejection. Can you imagine, if I went to a lot of trouble to tell someone how I'm feeling and they turned around and said "Harri, I don't feel the same, but I hope we can stay friends". It's as if someone would have stabbed me in the heart, and just twisted the knife around to make sure that it hurt real good. Maybe people have had these thoughts about me, but aren't sure whether to act upon it.

If you have these ideas, or want to tell someone how you feel, then please, just do it. More often than not, the other person will really appreciate it, and they will hopefully reciprocate those feelings.

I don't know, maybe it's me, maybe I've watched one too many films, listened to too many musicals, sang too much Taylor Swift, read too many books and have this unrealistic expectation of men. Or maybe, this is what I'd like to believe - I just haven't met the right boy yet.

(I've also just realised that this may backfire and no boy will ever want anything to do with me ever again because they'll believe that they'll never live up to my expectations. To be honest, unless you're a perfect mix of Harry Potter, Peeta Mellark, Captain Antonio Corelli and Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy, Kristoff from Frozen or Eugene Fitzherbert, you won't, but please don't let that put you off.)

The End of a Relationship

What I don't understand about the end of a relationship is that it is almost expected in today's society to break up and then to never talk to each other again. Full stop. The end.

That is not how I think it should be. In today's society, it's almost considered weird when two people break up and stay friends. But if you think about it, it makes so much more sense that way. Surely, you'd think that two people who care(d) so much about each other, would still care about the other at some level, even after the relationship is over. In the very wise words of Carrie Bradshaw "But if you love somone and you break up, where does all the love go?". Couldn't have put it better myself.

How is it that two people who were once, at some point, the other's world, their everything, can you go from telling each other everything one day, breaking up the next, and then never speaking to them? That's the part I find the hardest. Its the fact that they were willing to open up to them and tell them every single little thing, and then breaking up, knowing that the other knew all these things about them.

If you break up badly, and don't talk it through properly, then the after effects can be messy which then causes people to never speak again ever. Full stop. The end. This may result in one half of the party telling some of their friends the things that they told them in confidence, and the other half would find out. That's messy. In my opinion, it really isn't needed.

I've had my fair share of messy breakups, but I remember, at the end of my first relationship when I was 14, (despite it not being the most serious relationship ever), we stayed friends and although we both needed our space for a few months, when he found out that someone wasn't being very nice to me, I remember him being so angry and texting me to make sure that I was alright. He even helped me through my first messy break up. We've grown apart now, but that I am ever thankful to him for not making my life difficult.

As mentioned before, after my first messy breakup which was dragged out over months and months and despite it ending up with the both of us blocking the other on facebook, we're good pals now! We didn't speak for about 8 or 9 months, and I remember I found him on tumblr, and I thought I'd say hello. We stayed up all night that night, talking about our lives and the reasons why our relationship had ended, and since then, although we're not close, we still talk. (Hi, if you're reading.....) It's not even a little bit weird, and I feel completely comfortable going to him if I have an issue, because although he might not be the person who knows me the best now, he was at one point.

I just find it really upsetting when someone says they regret a relationship, or they break up really badly, because:

1. never regret anything. I am a strong believer that all your experiences, good or bad, shape who you are at this very moment. Instead of usnig the word "regret" try using the word "learnt". If you believe that you regret something, try thinking about what you learnt, and how you can use that past experience to your advantage in the future.
2. If you're mature enough to be in a relationship, you can be mature enough to deal with the emotional consequences of both parties if/when you break up. It's all over the TV that you feel like you have to 'take sides'. Why not take a step back, look at the relationship and the other person from an outsider's point of view, and think "how can I make this better?", or "if my friends were in this situation, what advice would I give them?" or even put yourself in your other half's shoes, and try to understand why they're behaving how they are. Are they angry at you? Do they still love you? Are they trying to move on with their life and you're stopping them? 

Although, you can't force anyone into thinking this way. Through experiencing my own break ups, and observing others, usually, it takes both parties having a similar outlook on the end of the relationship to remain friends and to not let the fact that you may not want to kiss and cuddle any more, but that they are still there for you as a friend.