Romantic Expectations

It has recently come to my attention that I think I may have fairly high expectations of the male gender. You know why this is? Chick flicks. And Disney.

I was sat watching What Happens in Vegas the other day, you know, the one with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher (who is mighty fine in that film, I'd like to add), and as in every chick flick, darling Ashton upsets Cameron and she goes running off to sit on an island and he goes running after her. I don't think that happens in real life. I've never had Ashton Kutcher come running after me when I'm feeling a little sad.... I WISH. But seriously, every time a boy has upset me, or has broken up with me, there is a little part of me that hopes and dreams and wishes that he will come and do a great big Romantic Gesture. And he never has.

I remember when my first proper boyfriend and I broke up, he told me months later that he regretted the decision as soon as he woke up the next morning, and I told him that there was nothing I wanted more than to hear a knock on the door and to see his face. He told me that there were some days he just wanted to get on a bus to see me and to beg for my forgiveness. But he didn't. (If you're reading this....it's ok, I forgive you!!!!)

Take my sixth-form May Ball for example. I went to an all girls school, but the May Ball was for the students of my school and the boys school down the road. I wasn't particularly close with any of the guys to be honest, but there was still a little part of me that hoped and dreamed that when I arrived at the reception area there'd be a boy standing there with a corsage for me and declaring his undying love. It didn't happen.

Or, you know, everyone has that person who is a friend, but sort of more than a friend, as you can definitely sort of see something maybe happening with them, but you're not really sure how they feel (great English there, Harri). Well, I'm just saying that it would be nice if they announced in a lovely heart-warming manner that they feel the same about you. It will probably never happen.

I don't know why I bring about these expectations and hopes and dreams upon myself, because at the end of the day, no one is going to get hurt except me. Is it too much to ask though, to have one boy to do something really romantic and throw pebbles at my window, or to come find me if I was on holiday in Berlin or somewhere, or even plan out this great big surprise visit with all my friends and when I walk through the door they pick me up and announce that what he did was wrong, and he's sorry etc, like they do in the films.

I'm a complete hopeless romantic, I'm totally in love with the idea of true love, and I believe that my soul mate is walking around right now, maybe thinking these thoughts too. Perhaps I've already met them. That thought is really thrilling. I would be willing to do all of those things that I've listed above, but there's one thing that holds me back. The fear of rejection. Can you imagine, if I went to a lot of trouble to tell someone how I'm feeling and they turned around and said "Harri, I don't feel the same, but I hope we can stay friends". It's as if someone would have stabbed me in the heart, and just twisted the knife around to make sure that it hurt real good. Maybe people have had these thoughts about me, but aren't sure whether to act upon it.

If you have these ideas, or want to tell someone how you feel, then please, just do it. More often than not, the other person will really appreciate it, and they will hopefully reciprocate those feelings.

I don't know, maybe it's me, maybe I've watched one too many films, listened to too many musicals, sang too much Taylor Swift, read too many books and have this unrealistic expectation of men. Or maybe, this is what I'd like to believe - I just haven't met the right boy yet.

(I've also just realised that this may backfire and no boy will ever want anything to do with me ever again because they'll believe that they'll never live up to my expectations. To be honest, unless you're a perfect mix of Harry Potter, Peeta Mellark, Captain Antonio Corelli and Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy, Kristoff from Frozen or Eugene Fitzherbert, you won't, but please don't let that put you off.)

Stalk-ception

You know when you've been stalking someone on facebook for a little too long? (We all do it, don't sit there and pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about.) You've looked through all that person's photos, scrolled down their timeline back to 2008.....ok, maybe I'm exaggurating, but I get a strange....let's call it a revelation...if I've been looking at someone's face for a little bit too long. Especially if I haven't seen or spoken to that person in a while. 

I get a strange thought process that goes through my head. If I were to map it out, it would go something like this: 

• Oh hey, that's a nice photo
• Aww, that's cute
• Oh look a cute kitten
• Their hair looks a little odd, but whatever, they're only human
• Wait, they're human
• Like, this is an actual person
• I used to KNOW this person
• I wonder if they're voice sounds the same
• Oh look, a photo of us....from 2011....
• Like, this is me and them together. WE USED TO KNOW EACHOTHER.
• What are they like now?
• This person isn't just a person in photos, like this is an actual person
• An actual person with feelings
• And an actual life
• Wow
• I wonder if they ever think of me

At this point I tend to have weird-ed myself out and have had to close the facebook tab. I can't even put into words my thought process. It only happens every now and then, and it tends to only happen if I haven't seen them or I am no longer speaking to them. 

I was just wondering if anyone else gets these strange, head-messing, thoughts when looking at someone. No? Just me? Great. 

Review | The Fault In Our Stars

The Fault In Our Stars, by Mr John Green, has been #1 on the New York Times Children's Best Seller's List, #1 on the Amazon Best Seller's List, and has had an amazing reaction from fans all over the cyberworld. However, I am not usually one to read a book simply because it's popular. I'm not sure why, I seem to get it into my head that because so many people are reading it, then it can't be that good. Please don't ask me how my brain has managed to come to that conclusion, I have no idea. But yeah, the jist is, I tend to avoid reading the currently popular books.

Many, many, many people had insisted that I must read TFIOS and that it would make me sob like a baby. As many of my friends know that I cry at every single emotion. Happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, fear, shock, laughter. You name it, my reaction would probably be to have tears sprouting from my
eyes. And I cry in practically every film. Another reason why I wasn't particularly drawn to read it. Why would I want to read a book that would make me bawl like a baby?

Anyway, there was one day I was making a large Amazon book haul, I saw that the book was £3.85 so I figured, what the heck? It was added to the basket, and two weeks later it was on my doorstep. Last weekend I went to London, and I thought I'd take it for some easy reading on the train. It was very easy to read, I very much enjoyed Mr John Green's style of writing as it is not dissimilar to his way of speaking on his vlogs, which I try and watch every week. I finished it in a day.

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves" - William Shakespeare.

I'm going to assume that this is the quote that inspired the title of this book. I can see that Mr John Green has used the quote almost ironically, as the tragic love story between Hazel Grace Lancaster and Augustus Waters is very much written in the stars and it is fate what is happening to them and there is nothing that can be changed about it.

Here is where my opinion may be a little different to the majority of people.....I wasn't that overly impressed it. The story, in my opinion, is a little so-so, and I feel that it got the attention it received because the story was centred around cancer. I didn't sob like people had promised. I did get a little lump in my throat, but I was completely dry-eyed for the entire book. I found the main character a little irritating, constantly comparing herself to a fictional character of her favourite book, and to be honest, I think I would have preferred to know the story from Gus's point of view (although I can see how that wouldn't quite work.....)

They fell in love in what seemed like 5 minutes, and they are of the ages of 16 and 17. I'm sorry, but it is highly unlikely that what they were feeling was indeed True Love, and even if [SPOILER ALERT] Gus hadn't died at the end, the relationship probably would not have lasted for a long time. I may be wrong, but I couldn't help think this with every sentence that I read.

I spoke to a very good friend of mine, and although she hadn't read the book, she said that one of the reasons why the story is so popular is due to the romantic and tragic notion of the two protagonists suffering from this disease and the inevitability of death. However, don't you think that this may be romanticising a dreadful disease like cancer?

I am terribly sorry to my dear friends who had recommended me to read TFIOS to read, but it had very high expectations, and the book simply did not live up to them.

If you have any opinions that you would like to share with me, then please feel free to discuss them in the comments below.