The End of a Relationship

What I don't understand about the end of a relationship is that it is almost expected in today's society to break up and then to never talk to each other again. Full stop. The end.

That is not how I think it should be. In today's society, it's almost considered weird when two people break up and stay friends. But if you think about it, it makes so much more sense that way. Surely, you'd think that two people who care(d) so much about each other, would still care about the other at some level, even after the relationship is over. In the very wise words of Carrie Bradshaw "But if you love somone and you break up, where does all the love go?". Couldn't have put it better myself.

How is it that two people who were once, at some point, the other's world, their everything, can you go from telling each other everything one day, breaking up the next, and then never speaking to them? That's the part I find the hardest. Its the fact that they were willing to open up to them and tell them every single little thing, and then breaking up, knowing that the other knew all these things about them.

If you break up badly, and don't talk it through properly, then the after effects can be messy which then causes people to never speak again ever. Full stop. The end. This may result in one half of the party telling some of their friends the things that they told them in confidence, and the other half would find out. That's messy. In my opinion, it really isn't needed.

I've had my fair share of messy breakups, but I remember, at the end of my first relationship when I was 14, (despite it not being the most serious relationship ever), we stayed friends and although we both needed our space for a few months, when he found out that someone wasn't being very nice to me, I remember him being so angry and texting me to make sure that I was alright. He even helped me through my first messy break up. We've grown apart now, but that I am ever thankful to him for not making my life difficult.

As mentioned before, after my first messy breakup which was dragged out over months and months and despite it ending up with the both of us blocking the other on facebook, we're good pals now! We didn't speak for about 8 or 9 months, and I remember I found him on tumblr, and I thought I'd say hello. We stayed up all night that night, talking about our lives and the reasons why our relationship had ended, and since then, although we're not close, we still talk. (Hi, if you're reading.....) It's not even a little bit weird, and I feel completely comfortable going to him if I have an issue, because although he might not be the person who knows me the best now, he was at one point.

I just find it really upsetting when someone says they regret a relationship, or they break up really badly, because:

1. never regret anything. I am a strong believer that all your experiences, good or bad, shape who you are at this very moment. Instead of usnig the word "regret" try using the word "learnt". If you believe that you regret something, try thinking about what you learnt, and how you can use that past experience to your advantage in the future.
2. If you're mature enough to be in a relationship, you can be mature enough to deal with the emotional consequences of both parties if/when you break up. It's all over the TV that you feel like you have to 'take sides'. Why not take a step back, look at the relationship and the other person from an outsider's point of view, and think "how can I make this better?", or "if my friends were in this situation, what advice would I give them?" or even put yourself in your other half's shoes, and try to understand why they're behaving how they are. Are they angry at you? Do they still love you? Are they trying to move on with their life and you're stopping them? 

Although, you can't force anyone into thinking this way. Through experiencing my own break ups, and observing others, usually, it takes both parties having a similar outlook on the end of the relationship to remain friends and to not let the fact that you may not want to kiss and cuddle any more, but that they are still there for you as a friend. 

Travels | Bergen

View from Mount Floyen

Mother and I went to Bergen last week for a wee bit of a weekend getaway. I've applied to study at the Music College, so we popped over to get a feel of the city and to see how much more expensive everything really is.

I'm not going to lie, I had my reservations about the prices as everyone kept saying that it was really expensive. I didn't really believe them until I arrived. For example,  less than half a pint of the local beer was the equivalent of £7. Gobsmacking. I know.

However, it is a beautiful city. Strange, as it seems to have its own climate as a result of being surrounded by seven mountains. We took the funicular rail to the top of Mount Floyen, the view was spectacular. We only saw a small part of the city - but the feel we got was that it was like a large harbour village (which it once used to be). Fishing used to be the main form of income and as a result there is now a World Heritage Centre on the medieval street of Bryggen, with all its old wooden warehouses. There are a couple of museums on the harbour, which are worth a visit. There also a fish market right opposite here. It wasn't what I expected at all. When I read about it, I thought it was going to be a bit like a farmers produce market - but for fish. We stepped in for a wonder around and it could not have been more different to what I was expecting. It consisted of three main counters, I suppose I could call them, each with its own restaurant attached. You could also select your fish or lobster from tanks right beside the counter. So surreal, but so amazing at the whole time.

Bryggen

The city is known as the "City of Rain", and guess what? It rained. The whole time. At the beginning of the weekend, the rain came in short bursts. By Sunday, it was absolutely pouring down and we got drenched. It was cold too. I managed to lose one of my gloves on the train to the airport, so I ended up buying a pair of gorgeous hand-knitted woollen mittens. I am so glad that I did, otherwise I'm pretty sure my hands would have frozen into little icicles by the end of the weekend.

I would have loved to take the time to go to Grieg's house, but it would have involved a half hour's walk, and trudging in the rain for 30 minutes is no one's idea of fun. But hey! I have a reason to go back.

I would definitely go back, and I would also love to take the time to travel around Norway, maybe I will if I get accepted.

A Wonder in the Park

I went for a walk today, for a few reasons:

1. To get me out of the house
2. To cheer me up
3. To find inspiration about what to write about.

I've been somewhat lacking in inspiration recently as I've been so busy what with technicals and erasmus applications that I haven't had any time to think. Since Friday night, I've probably slept around 10 hours every night, so I seem to think that my body needed a rest. 

The past month has been so hectic, it was nice to spend some quality Me-Time and have some time alone with my thoughts, with only the birds for company. 

I think that Me-Time is something that more people should take advantage of. Even if it is going for a walk for 20 minutes by yourself, or even just sitting down in your room and just switch off. It can clear out your head, perhaps making some decisions you've been umm-ing and ahh-ing about recently. In this day of age, we're so reliant on technology and our lives are so quick, with our smartphones pinging us every time we have an email, or having the news at our fingertips. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't live without my ipad, but there are days, like today, where I leave all things technological at home and just take some time out. It can make you feel refreshed and ready to take on your next challenge (or in my case, completely worn out cause I walked about 3 miles, and I'm not feeling 100%. Hence why I needed cheering up). 

Anyways, my walk. About a 15 minute walk from my house is Fletcher Moss Botanical Gardens. I hadn't planned on going there today, but as I was having a wonder around the charity shops in the village centre anyway, I figured I should go down and poke my nose in and see what all the fuss was about. It didn't disappoint. The photos above are of the gardens, and the smells coming from the flowers were amazing. There is no way I could go in the summer, as I would be coughing, spluttering and sneezing all over the place due to hay fever. So today was the perfect day to go. After looking around the main part of the gardens, I went to have a wonder around the field behind and found the river Mersey. I strolled my way along that before finding a road and eventually finding my way home. There was a great big cloud behind me the whole time, and I tried my best to be home before it started raining, but around 10 minutes from my front door, the heavens opened. 

You're probably thinking "why are you describing your walk?" Well, I wanted to share this experience. The experience of this walk being my inspiration to write when I've had writers block for the past couple of days. I've tried hard to sit down and write something, anything, that came into my head. I read through them all and deleted them because they were so awful. I've been tired, cyntachu (a welsh word...no idea what the translation is), and demotivated. This walk helped me find the words to write and has given me ideas to think about. 

I hope you can find some time in your busy lives to just sit. Or walk. Or run. Or make candles. Or do whatever you do. Without the tv on or music playing. Just do nothing for a while, and see where your contemplations and reflections take you.

What If?

Do you ever stop and think "how did my life lead me here?" I do. 

I wonder what my life would be like if my Parents hadn't of moved me to Wales at the age of 4. I definitely wouldn't be speaking Welsh. Would I still be doing music? Who knows. I might have stuck with doing languages, but would I be any good with them even though I didn't speak Welsh?

What if I hadn't of fallen off the beam when I was 7? Would I have carried on doing gymnastics? I could have been training for the Olympics. I certainly started young enough. Then I may not have done music at all as I would have been too busy swinging off the bar or jumping off the vault.

What if I had never picked up the oboe? Would I still be attempting (badly) the violin because I didn't know that there was another instrument calling to me. I probably would have studied something different in university. I may be reading a serious subject like history, or studying to be a medic. Who knows.

What if my Parents hadn't of moved me to France at the age of 10? Would I still have the itchy feet that want to lead me onto an adventure? Would I have just stayed being a homebody, simply because the seed of different cultures hadn't been planted?

What if I had gone to a girls school at the age of 12, like I had originally planned. I would never have become such good friends with the people in my music service. I would never have had the relationships I did, but would I have branched out from the girls school bubble? Who knows.

What if I had decided to stay in my comprehensive school for sixth form? Would I have made it to music college? Probably not. I would be a completely different person. I probably wouldn't have got the grades I wanted to get into university as I wouldn't have worked as hard as I did. I may have gone travelling the world, or stayed at home and started a business. 

What if I had decided to go to a different Music College? I would be surrounded by different people, living in a different city, and have a different teacher. Would I have thrived or would I have hated it so much I quit?

What about the smaller stuff? Would my life have taken a slightly different course if I had decided to have an apple instead of a banana with my lunch yesterday? 

Let's look bigger now, look at the most successful people who have ever lived. What if Steve Jobs had never started Apple? What if Walt Disney hadn't of been rejected from a magazine for "laimagination"? Imagine a world without Apple or Disney. I wouldn't be sat in College writing this on my ipad because it wouldn't exist, and what film would I have watched last night if Tangled had never been written?

Thinking of all the 'What Ifs' in your life can make someone go mad. I'm beginning to go a bit doolally thinking about it all. However, every single one of these paths were determined by choices. Nothing about your life is out of your control, and every tiny choice you make has an effect on the way you live. So maybe next time you're faced with a difficult decision, plan the different lives that your choices can take you. If you begin to feel that you'd constantly be thinking "What If", then do it. Why not? The most important thing is that you don't live life with any regrets, so that when you're old you can look back fondly the path your choices have taken you. So you don't look back at a junction in life that you wish you'd taken left instead of right. 

Extra Ordinary People

Since I began working at my job (area representative for Your Property Network magazine), I have to attend around four networking events a month. I love it. I learn so much, but that's a different story for a different day. Anyways, there are speakers that come in to speak (duh!) and share their expreriences of investing. It is through hearing many people do their talks on various topics that I have realised: 

There are no Extraordinary People, only Extra Ordinary People.

This can be applied to every single celebrity, actor, musician and successful person out there. That they are just an ordinary person who have an Extra Ordinary job. They were (and still are) a normal person, who went to school, had relationships that didn't work out, went to university and yet we forget about this. All we see is a Famous Person and we forget to look beyond that and to who they really are. Take Justin Bieber for example. He was a normal child who started to write songs and post them to YouTube. He didn't know that he would become really famous and successful, but by chance he was discovered and his life had changed. Don't get me wrong here, I am not saying that I like him or his music, but one cannot deny that he has become very successful. 

But my point is this - when I began pondering this subject (and have been for quite a few months now), I realised that I could do whatever I wanted. Some people are discovered and other people work very hard to get to the top of their field. These successful people aren't special, they haven't taken a magic potion which makes them different to the "rest of us". People have gone into an audition not expecting to get the job but yet they have, and they begin to live their Extra Ordinary life. It sounds so cliche, but with this mindset, I have been able to change the way I see the future, which has a domino effect on how I live my life. I am no longer afraid of the future, no longer terrified of going into the big wide world after graduating and will no longer be in the safe little happy College bubble. I know, that whatever I will do, I will attempt to become an Extra Ordinary person and be very happy in the future. Who knows that life is going to throw at me, but it am feeling much more optimistic about it. 

Some people look up to the Extra Ordinary People and think "I am never going to be able to do that". You might not do exactly what they do, but you might do something similar. Take that chance, do the audition, write that book, knit that cardigan, paint that picture, because who knows? You might end up living an Extra Ordinary life too.