So today, I decided I would treat myself to a brand new outfit. I've been eating much more healthily and I've been going to the gym a lot, and generally feeling good about my body for the first time in a while, and felt like I needed a treat (and procrastinating from essay, but that's something else entirely....)
Anyways, I skipped down to one of my favourite stores in the pretty dismal town in which I live, Miss Selfridge. I did have an outfit in mind, a lovely pair of dungarees that I had my eye on from the store in Manchester, but I wanted to try them on. Our store is fairly small, so they didn't have them. But alas! I did not let this get me down! I browsed around, picked out a couple of outfits and went into the changing rooms.
This is where everything went pear shaped. I looked in the mirror, and I looked pear-shaped. None of the outfits looked any good. My legs looked fat, my stomach seemed to have doubled in size, and I even looked shorter than normal. At a measly 5 foot 3.5, that's an achievement in itself. I had to put all the pretty outfits back. It honestly made me feel that all my hard work recently had been for nothing.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm seeing a distorted view of myself in the mirror normally and the dressing room mirror doesn't lie? I'm not saying I'm fat, by any standard, I know I'm not fat, but maybe I'm trying on the wrong clothes? Or does the dressing room mirror lie, and shows a distorted reflection? Or is it down to unfortunate lighting?
It makes me feel like I don't want to buy anymore clothes and I feel about a size gazillion everytime I step into a changing room. Does anyone else feel like this too? Or maybe I'm insane and just over-thinking everything.
My dear readers, I believe this is the longest I have gone without writing my inner-most thoughts and feelings upon my web-log. Alas, I have my reasons, some of which will become clear in the not too distant future.
No, but seriously, I've been having a severe case of writers block. I tried, honestly I did. Every other day I'd sit down ready to tap away at my keyboard, but I'd open up a new page, and nothing would come out. Or if it did, it was sheer garbage. If I could, I would have ripped up the virtual page on which I am writing, thrown it in a bin and burnt it.
I've had a lot of things on my mind recently, and writing, for me, is a way to organise some of the things that have been racing around my head. I enjoy it, it's calming. The power of words never fails to astonish me, but recently, I felt that nothing was on my side.
I just believe that with a recital looming around the corner, trying to eat healthily (chocolate is a definite weakness....), so many essays needed to be handed in, blogging stresses, reed stresses, going to the gym, practising, my pathetic excuse of a love life (oh, the hardship of being a 20 year old singleton, woe is me), and on top of all of that trying to get my head around the fact that I'm moving to a different country next year. I shall do a whole other blog post on this once everything is sorted. I thought it was but now there's another complication. Excellent. So many things have been happening in my life, but at the same time, nothing has really been happening.
I find this term very difficult, as we're sort of left to our own devices, I guess, and I'm not very good at doing that. I'm the sort of person that, unless my heart is completely in something, I need a good prod to keep me on track and not to get drifted off into the world of "I'm going to plan a holiday that I'm never going to be able to afford".
So anyway, I'm currently at home at the back of beyond in Wales, just to have a change of scenery, and hopefully I'll be feeling much more clear headed and focused when I return to the Land of the Manc.
I apologise for this long and rambly post, I know it's not the sort of post I usually do, but hey, you can't always get what you want in the world can you?
P.S. I'm going to try and be a bit better with my blogging. I mean, 20 days not writing anything is a bit naughty, isn't it?
This video basically sums up and puts into words how I have been feeling about today's generation. My closest friends already know that I very strongly dislike what technology has done to us as a society.
It bothers me that it is practically a social norm to text Person A while talking face to face with Person B. I personally think it's rude. It's exactly the same as sitting having a cup of coffee with someone and stopping mid-sentence, turning your back on them and start having another conversation with someone else. We all do it, I know I do, but I've recently become concious of when I do it, and now that I'm aware, it makes me uncomfortable when I reply to a text while I should be giving a friend my full attention or vice versa.
Whatever happened to writing letters? I am an avid letter writer. If I have taken the time to sit and write a letter to my friends, why can't they do the same for me? Or I get an acknowledgement of the letter on facebook, but no reply. Not even a long message in reply to my letter. It's not hard, yes it will cost you (at most) 62p for a first class stamp, but it's so much more personal, and think of the smile that you will put on your friend's face when they see that letter for them in the post. I wish people would write more letters. You can keep letters, put them in a special box, or put them up on your wall. You can't do that with facebook messages and texts.
I also don't understand why people feel the need to document their life. I know, ironic, I'm saying this on a blog, for people to read, on the internet.....but when was the last time you went for a day out and didn't take loads of photos with the sole purpose of uploading them straight onto facebook/instagram/twitter when you got home? I upload a lot of photos, I know I do, but I also have lots and lots of photos on my phone that make me smile that I haven't put up. Of course I see the positives of having a facebook profile - networking, keeping in contact with friends that live far away, organising last minute trips etc, but don't you think it's a bit sad when people feel the need to share what they're doing rather than sit back and enjoy the moment they are living and creating new memories?
Here's a funny story: I got a friend request recently, and I was sat around people when I received the request. It was someone a couple of years above me at College. One of my friends genuinely said "oh, you can't reply yet, you'll look too keen." Excuse me? Do people really think into social networking so much that the time taken to accept a friend request was analysed? Did they really think "oh man, that was one fast request, she must be super eager"? I hope not! What does that say about today's generation?
Phone calls? Anyone? Remember them? When was the last time you called someone out of the blue, just for a chat, and not to see where they are, or can they please bring in milk on the way home? Phone calls are not restricted to your Significant Other, as I have noticed that people in relationships spend a lot more time on the phone to each other compared to those who are not involved within the relationship. I'm most definitely not saying spend less time on the phone to them, I'm saying spend all the time on the phone to lots of different people! The other day, I felt down and I called one of my closest friends and she made me feel better. There's no way that she would have been able to make me feel better just by text or over facebook.
I try, every day, to spend an hour away from all things comprising of social media, and in that hour I am itching to check my phone for the first, I don't know, 20 minutes? But after that, it's quite nice, I get things done, I read my book, I listen to music, I sit down and watch an episode of Once Upon A Time. It's so nice to sit and not worry about what other people are doing in their lives. When was the last time you turned your phone off, and just watched something? I genuinely believe that social media websites such as facebook and twitter are making us as a society very antisocial and we are getting twisted and distorted views of other people's way of life. We tend to only post about when we're feeling happy, because if you're feeling sad people might think you're craving attention.
Immerse yourself in the things around you. When you feel bored, and you can feel yourself itching to know what's going on in the world, pick up the newspaper. Or phone a friend you haven't spoken to in a while. Or write a letter or an email. Listen to an audio-book and knit. Tidy your room. Paint. Dance around your room with your friends. And don't snapchat it. Bake some cookies. Seriously, if only one person who reads this does just one of these things, I will be one step closer to making the world a happier and relaxed place.
