Socialising Antisocially?!

source: Pinterest

It has come to my attention recently, that many people feel the need to be on their phones at the same time as spending time with friends.

Let me give you an example:
A few years ago, I met up with a very close friend of mine for the day. I hadn't seen her for a while, so I was really looking forward to spending the day catching up and having a good gossip. She then spent the entire day texting her boyfriend. I felt really......what's the word...... put out. I had made the effort to put the whole day aside for her, but she couldn't do the same for me. What was the point of her even bothering to see me if she was glued to her phone the entire time?

I can't help but wonder, are phones more important to people than their friends?

I work as a waitress in a little seaside restaurant, in a small village in Pembrokeshire. I have noticed through the many hours I've spent there, that so many families sit in silence while they are all gazing at the little screens, that have taken over our lives. Not only that, but many of these families ask me "do you have wifi here?" Our wifi has a reputation of being a little temperamental, but what surprises me is the look of disappointment on the face of the asker at the thought of having to spend the entire evening speaking to their parents.

I mean, God forbid you have to have an actual conversation face-to-face while you're on a family holiday.

I know I have touched on this subject before, with my Look Up  post a few months back, but for some reason, this subject is very close to my heart, and I do not understand why people feel the need to spend the quality face-to-face time they should be having with one person, glued to the piece of plastic in their hands speaking to another.

If I had a boyfriend, and I was spending the day with people that I loved, I would tell him that and if he doesn't understand that, then frankly, he shouldn't be in my life. I think it's controlling, unhealthy and possibly damaging the relationship to be in a constant conversation for all hours of the day. What left do you have to talk about when you see each other?

Obviously, I do see the benefits of mobile phones and being able to reach someone instantaneously. Emergencies, for example. "Help, can you get this spider out of my room please?!" (A genuine text I have sent....)

Does anyone else agree with me here? Am I the only one?

Feeling Lost in The Blogging World

Right, so I'm fairly new to this world. That's not news. I am so overwhelmed by everything because everyone else on here seems to know exactly what they are doing.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I use Blogger, but I had a second blog for a while with one of my Bezzies on Wordpress and now I love Wordpress and now don't like Blogger quite so much but I don't know if/how I can transfer everything.

I can't seem to get the formatting on my blog right no matter how hard I try. It just doesn't look right. I don't know how to break out of the Blogger templates.

There are so many rules. I've frequently searched "top tips for bloggers" into Google, and there seems to be so many rules! Always have pictures. Blog every day. Don't blog every day, it's all about quality not quantity. It's in the labels. It's important to always know what direction you're going in. 

Why do I need pictures? For example, this post is about me feeling lost and overwhelmed, and to be honest, a little frustrated at the amount (or lack of) traffic to my blog. So why do I need a picture?

All I know is that I enjoy writing. I enjoy sharing my thoughts with the world, and I'd like to know if anyone agrees or disagrees. I enjoy reading other people's blogs, I like knowing about the beauty products people are loving and their travel experiences and their fitness regimes and their recipes. I do keep a blogging book so I can jot down my thoughts, but at the end of the day I write for myself. Why do I need to follow all of these rules?

And finally.... I see these success stories of people who get to 2000 followers in 8 months or 800 followers in 5 months and so on. How did you do it?

I sort of feel like I'm a minuscule person standing on a tiny pebble in the middle of a crowded square and all the giant people that I look up to can't hear me shouting at the top of my lungs.

This is a cry for help and advice. If anyone could please part with even the tiniest amount of their wisdom I will be forever grateful!

Thank you. :) xxx

Returning from the Undead

I know this title is a little exaggerated....but that's what it feels like!

I mentioned over a MONTH ago that I wanted to blog more..... that totally happened didn't it.

Life happened. Life got in the way. I've been away on orchestra. I've been working. I've been exhausted. I've been sorting my life out before I pack it all up and move to Prague.

It's been difficult. And scary.

I've been coping in the usual ways; you know, eating lots of ice cream, going to the gym and burying my head in the sand and pretending nothing is happening. All very healthy ways of coping with stress (not). But seriously though, things are beginning to come together. I have a flat to live, I'm speaking to people who are also going, and I'm slowly but surely learning the language.

I'm scared, but it's ok to be scared. Good things happen when one pushes themselves out of their comfort zone. And that's what I'm doing. Good things will happen and I will learn a lot.

I've missed writing on here, and I actually wrote when I was feeling at my most down and most stressed out, but I decided against it. I strive for positivity on here, in my writing and in my life. I was feeling anything but, HOWEVER, I feel like I've come out the other side feeling stronger and more determined for a challenge than ever.

Lots of love to you all and thanks for being so patient with me. xxx

Small Things That Might Change Your Life

While doing my usual daily readings of the blogs I follow on Bloglovin, a theme appeared in a few posts, which was How To Be Happy or something similar. It was talking about the little things that you can do to make you feel a little more positive, or if you're simply stuck in a rut. The two posts that really stuck out for me were this one from one of my favourite blogs; Pretty Chit Chat, and this one by Zoella.

Over the past year I've discovered that doing lots of little things has had a complete change on my outlook and quality of my life. There have been numerous ups and downs (boys, pals, work, oboe, pretty much everything) but I thought I'd share with you some of the things that I found really useful when I felt I was stuck.

• YOGA - I cannot stress how important I find this. If its sunny, I like to go outside and practice there. Each position has a different meaning, and if you're really suffering from being stuck in the rut of life, the inverted positions will help you gain new perspective on things. Doing yoga in the morning is a gentle way to wake the body up, and the fluidity of the movement can help you Flow throughout the day. 

• MAKE UP - My friends would probably be able to tell you guys how much money time I like to spend on my face. It sounds really stupid, but I felt that when I bought new make up, I could almost paint on a new me in the morning. I really enjoy putting on my face, I can express my mood and feelings. Sometimes if I'm in a particularly bad mood in the morning, I'll put on bright eye make up and it really does make a difference. I find it soothing, relaxing, and it's the perfect bit of me-time to begin the day (after yoga, of course!!)

• HEALTHY DIET - I know, this is one of those things that everyone keeps talking about. Seriously though, I used to be one of the the most fussiest eaters of all time. Trying new foods and recipes really helped me overcome that, but I have found that since getting rid of junk food and refined sugars, and I've started eating more fruit, veg, healthy substitutions to puddings and drinking more water, not only have I lost weight, but my skin is clearer, I have a lot more energy, and I simply feel much better in myself. I am a strong believer in you are what you eat. 

• READING - Read whatever you want. Fiction, non-fiction, sci-fi, horror, whatever it is, believe me, it's better than sitting in front of a screen all day. Reading feeds the mind, and it allows you to get lost in so many different worlds, and you get to meet more people than you could ever imagine in these different worlds. Each book takes you on a journey. So why not begin now?

• STOP COMPLAINING - This really was a tough one for me, I mean, I am honestly never happier than if I have something to complain about. But complaining is negative, and we're trying to focus on keeping positive. So stop it. If you're in work and you're thinking "ooooh my feet hurt, I want to go home" instead think about how much money you've earned that shift, or something. This one does take time, because it involves changing habits and thought processes.

• GET OUT - On a bike. For a walk. On a run. Bungee jump. Travel. Whatever, just go. Going outside will help you be able to clear your head and it will get you away from sitting slumped in front of the computer mindlessly scrolling down Facebook for absolutely no reason.

• TREAT YOURSELF - There is nothing wrong with a little treat. If you have read the Chimp Paradox you will understand that your inner chimp often needs rewarding. Little treats now and then are great. If you think you deserve that pair of dungarees you've been lusting after, then go for it. Try not to abuse the treating though. Then it won't be a treat anymore, will it?

• GET RID - Someone or something making you miserable? Get rid of them. Why should you in your happy little bubble be allowing someone/something else to get you down? I know, easier said than done, but trust me, getting rid of the negative influences in your life works wonders.

• CLEANSING ENERGY - I was very sceptical when Mother first suggested I'd do this, but I went along with it any way. I can't explain how much better the energy of my bedroom was. If you spend a lot of time in one room, then it might be worth researching the different ways to cleanse the energy and to rid the room of the stagnant, murky, negative energy that has collected over the months/years. It will help you sleep, work, and feel better when you're in that environment again.   

I hope these help, even just a little. Let me know in the comments what small changes you do to make your life a more positive and happy place to be :) 

Self Esteem

They say that if you were to walk past yourself in the street, you wouldn't recognise yourself. Everyone has a very distorted image of themselves. I didn't believe this, until I saw this photo:

Its not a special photo. I'm frowning for goodness sake. It's me accidentally in a piccie that Mother was taking of an old car at a vintage car convention down on our local beach just after I had got home for the summer. I had just thrown some clothes on that I thought was fairly suitable to be seen in and put my hair up in a messy bun. I hadn't seen these photos until about a week ago when Mother was showing them to a family friend....I was looking and all of a sudden I blurted out "omg that' s me!!"

I didn't recognise myself.

I have mentioned in a past post that I am happy with the way I look. I am, most of the time. Some days I think urgh I look so fat or why are my arms so flabby? or even I've been going to the gym for ages, I can't see any changes! but just because I have bad days doesn't mean I'm not confident with the way I look. It has taken me years and years for me to get to this place. I haven't like the way I looked since the age of about 11 when I started secondary school. It didn't help that I was such a fussy eater that I only ate junk food. If someone said that I looked beautiful, I didn't believe them because I thought that they had to say it.
Even when at the age of 16 when I lost so much weight and I dropped down to 7st 8, I still thought I looked too fat. It was a really unhealthy relationship with my body and with myself.

Now, however, I've been working out, I've been going to the gym for about a year, doing various different exercises (yoga, tai chi, weight lifting, running, cycling, swimming....) and I've come to like my body.

BUT

I feel that in today's society, so many people don't like the way they look, that I am almost afraid of saying that I look and feel good in the fear of someone thinking that I think too much of myself or something. I realised recently that in the past, I felt like I couldn't like the way I looked. 

Think of it like this: if you've worked really hard on a painting, then you're obviously going to be proud of it and you're going to want to show it to others and tell people, aren't you? It's the same with me, it's not as if I'm going to start running around naked, but why should I put myself down, after years of doing so, when I'm proud of all the hours I've spent at the gym?

When I look in the mirror, I no longer look at my flaws, I brush past them. I see hard work that I've been putting in is starting to pay off. I look at what is good about me, what I think others might like about me, and best of all, when I get dressed, I accentuate my features.

If you're walking down the street, you don't see people and think "oooh their arms are a little flabby" or "urgh they're clearly having a fat day today" do you? (if you do, then...um....not really sure where to go from here.....) You're more likely to think "wow, look at their bum, that's a great bum" or "their hair is so shiney", right?

Why don't you do that about yourself?

Changed for the Better

I'm currently (attempting) to pack up my room, as another year in college is over, and it's soon time for me to move back home for the summer, before embarking on my brand new adventure next year.

Anyways, I can't help but to reflect on the past year. So much has happened, and I really feel like I have grown as a person.

If you knew me this time last year, I was a shell of a person, I was in such an unreachable, dark place. I was having panic attacks every other day, I'd pushed all of my friends away and they thought I was going mental. I laugh about it now.

I have made amazing friends this year, as well as become much closer to some that I already knew. I realised early on that I could hand-pick everyone in my life, which gave me a massive sense of control over those who influenced me. Each and every person in my life right now each has their personal little hand print on my life and the person I am right now. I admire each of them in their own way, whether it being due to their faith, their ability to always pick themselves up, their strength, their ability to always make friends, their infinite amount of wisdom, and the little ways they show they care. I'm not going to name names, but they all hopefully know who they are. I am so blessed to have them in my life, and I wouldn't wish to have it other way.

Also, as I mentioned above, I feel like I've grown so much as a person this year. I am not afraid what others think of me, as I absolutely do not believe in changing myself for other people. My confidence is at an all time high, and I think this has had an affect on my work, playing and relationships with others. I am finally happy for the first time in my life with the way my body looks. I've been looking after it and I've been going to the gym so much more. I think this is the first time in my life I have ever been okay with the way I look, and so it just shows how much my mindset has changed for the better this year.

I am just really happy at the moment, and I am so excited to see where my life takes me. This may be a little ramble-y and not really making much sense, but I just wanted to share with you guys how happy I am with where I am in life. I finally have some sort of direction now, whereas before I was just wandering aimlessly in the giant world. I have a goal that I'm working towards for my post-college life, and although those closest to me know what it is, I'll share with the rest of you at a later date, as it is still something quite personal to me and I'd like to share it when I know more for definite.

There are some things that I'm not currently happy with in my life (a lack of a love life........sigh), but the things that are happening at the moment really make up for it. I do still get little panic attacks, and I have my off days where I just eat chocolate and pig out and cry in front of The Notebook, but that's just normal, right?

Travels | Belfast and Northern Ireland

1 week before my recital, I jetted off for a well-needed break to Belfast. I didn't realise I needed a break, but I feel so much happier and calmer than I did a week ago. Anyway, there was a reason, Mother was doing her first public speech on the mistakes on property.

I was meant to be meeting my parents out there, so when my plane landed at 12:30, I grabbed my backpack and hopped on a bus. The first thing I noticed was that the people of Northern Ireland are so friendly! While I was waiting for the bus, a girl around my age just said hello to me, which is something that barely happens in Britain. And then while I was wandering around the centre, someone passed me and said "there's a penny on the floor over there, go pick it up and you'll have a lucky day". How nice is that?! I think more people should go out of their way to make a stranger's day a little bit brighter.

Anyway, I digress. While I waited for my parents, I found this adorable little cupcake shop where I ordered a delicious bowl of chickpea, lentil and bacon soup, a great big hot chocolate and a lemon and white chocolate cupcake for lunch. It was delicious, and a proper locals place. A little out of the proper centre (I would no way have found it if I hadn't of gone right instead of left out of the bus station - away from the centre....), it was so lovely. It was called The Little Cupcake Cafe if anyone is interested. I would highly recommend it. The food and cupcakes were all homemade, and cost me around £5.70!

Anyway, I then wasted about 2 and a half hours wandering around the city, and getting a feel of it (all with my backpack on my back), before eventually my parents' plane had landed and they'd picked up the car. I found my way up to a viewing gallery of the city, and although I'm a little wobbly when it comes to heights, all the steps and the collywobbles were worth the view.

When my parents arrived we didn't have that much time to relax and settle into the hotel, before we had to rush back out to the meeting.

The next day, we got up, had breakfast in another really adorable cafe, and the breakfast was delicious - I had a bacon and mushroom omelette, and it was cooked to perfection! After breakfast we headed out for a roadtrip to the Giant's Causeway. We drove along the coastal road, and the views were spectacular! Some pictures are below.

I then had a plane to catch at 8:30am the next morning, so after we got back, we had a spot of dinner at TGI Friday's (YUM), and hit the sack.

It was a great few days, and it was the first time I'd ever flown by myself. I hoped that it would have calmed my constant wanderlust (at least for a little), but it did the opposite. As soon as I landed back in Manchester, I wanted to jump on another plane and travel somewhere else. Maybe in the next few weeks.....

I'M MOVING TO PRAGUE!

As most of you guys know, I am going on an Erasmus exchange next year. I'm going to be studying at the Academy of Performing Arts in Prague!!

The application process was vigorous, with so much paperwork to fill in and audition tapes to video...if any of you guys saw me in February, I was not a very calm bunny.

I was lucky enough to be offered two places (I haven't head back from the third, but I'd like to get the full set ;) ). One offer came through right at the beginning of the Easter holidays, and I sort of kept it on the DL, apart from my closest friends, as I didn't want to start telling people until everything was finalised and sorted. By the time I had been offered a room in a student halls in Bergen, Norway, it started to look very official that it was there I was to be headed. 

HOWEVER. There was one awful day in college, after a number of pretty bad days, and I decided to go home for an undetermined amount of time. The morning I was set to head home, my ipad dinged the email ding at the unsociable hour of 07:43. I grumbled, got up to see what it was expecting it to be some sort of Amazon newsletter or something, and saw it was an acceptance from Prague! I just thought "huh, look at that" and went back to bed.

So my nice relaxing break at home ended up with me basically sat at the kitchen table deliberating between the two different paths my life could venture. I was weighing up the pros and cons, and consulting my friends, parents and the cats for advice. Eventually, the night before I was due to come back up to college in Manchester, I made the snap desicion. Prague it was.

It was one of the hardest desicions ever. Do I go for a country where everything was already organised and ready to go, a university place with the opportunity of meeting people who study other things, and where I had already planned my life and traveling for the next year, but basically didn't allow me to have a summer holiday and give me constant money fear? Or do I go for the city that I had loved for years, very accessible to the rest of Europe, 88p beer, but yet have no idea on where to live, and no clue how to speak a word of Czech (apart from "ahoj!")? These thoughts just kept going round and round and round and round my head. I know there are much, much, much worse situations to be in, I mean the Oh-No-I've-Been-Offered-More-Than-One-Erasmus-Place isn't exactly a life or death desicion, but it's still going to have a massive impact on the Rest Of My Life. 

Anyways, a whole new life with new experiences, new friends and new opportunities is just around the corner, and I am SO EXCITED. Of course, I'm worried that I'll leave College now and everyone will forget that I exist, and I worry that maybe some of my friendships won't be as strong as I thought to keep going while I'm living on the continent. I hope not. Obviously, I'm going to be blogging my way through my journey in Prague, so you can keep up to date with what is occurring while I'm out there.

Have a photo of Prague. It doesn't really capture any of the city's magnificent beauty, but it is the view from the castle, which is just a little walk up from where I'll be studying! 

Also:

On the subject of blogs, I would like to change the name of this one, if anyone has any ideas, please let me know! 

One of my Best Friends, Mia, and I have started a blog together. It's still in its early stages, but it's more of a lifestyle, chatty type blog where we basically write to each other. If you're interested, you can see find us here: http://twolittlebricks.wordpress.com

AND FINALLY another one of my Best Friends is doing an amazing thing for charity. She's shaving off her hair. And if you know Beth, you'll know she has an Afro!! If you don't, scroll down and you'll find some photos of her, but I'm so so proud and excited to be a part of this journey that she is about to embark! If you would like to donate, you can click on this link right here: https://www.justgiving.com/Beth-Davis2

I appreciate that this post is a little news-y, and quite different to my other posts, but there are a lot of exciting things happening at the moment and I just wanted to share them all! 

Dressing Room Syndrome

So today, I decided I would treat myself to a brand new outfit. I've been eating much more healthily and I've been going to the gym a lot, and generally feeling good about my body for the first time in a while, and felt like I needed a treat (and procrastinating from essay, but that's something else entirely....)

Anyways, I skipped down to one of my favourite stores in the pretty dismal town in which I live, Miss Selfridge. I did have an outfit in mind, a lovely pair of dungarees that I had my eye on from the store in Manchester, but I wanted to try them on. Our store is fairly small, so they didn't have them. But alas! I did not let this get me down! I browsed around, picked out a couple of outfits and went into the changing rooms.

This is where everything went pear shaped. I looked in the mirror, and I looked pear-shaped. None of the outfits looked any good. My legs looked fat, my stomach seemed to have doubled in size, and I even looked shorter than normal. At a measly 5 foot 3.5, that's an achievement in itself. I had to put all the pretty outfits back. It honestly made me feel that all my hard work recently had been for nothing. 

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm seeing a distorted view of myself in the mirror normally and the dressing room mirror doesn't lie? I'm not saying I'm fat, by any standard, I know I'm not fat, but maybe I'm trying on the wrong clothes? Or does the dressing room mirror lie, and shows a distorted reflection? Or is it down to unfortunate lighting? 

It makes me feel like I don't want to buy anymore clothes and I feel about a size gazillion everytime I step into a changing room. Does anyone else feel like this too? Or maybe I'm insane and just over-thinking everything. 

Been a while....

My dear readers, I believe this is the longest I have gone without writing my inner-most thoughts and feelings upon my web-log. Alas, I have my reasons, some of which will become clear in the not too distant future.

No, but seriously, I've been having a severe case of writers block. I tried, honestly I did. Every other day I'd sit down ready to tap away at my keyboard, but I'd open up a new page, and nothing would come out. Or if it did, it was sheer garbage. If I could, I would have ripped up the virtual page on which I am writing, thrown it in a bin and burnt it.

I've had a lot of things on my mind recently, and writing, for me, is a way to organise some of the things that have been racing around my head. I enjoy it, it's calming. The power of words never fails to astonish me, but recently, I felt that nothing was on my side.

I just believe that with a recital looming around the corner, trying to eat healthily (chocolate is a definite weakness....), so many essays needed to be handed in, blogging stresses, reed stresses, going to the gym, practising, my pathetic excuse of a love life (oh, the hardship of being a 20 year old singleton, woe is me), and on top of all of that trying to get my head around the fact that I'm moving to a different country next year. I shall do a whole other blog post on this once everything is sorted. I thought it was but now there's another complication. Excellent. So many things have been happening in my life, but at the same time, nothing has really been happening.

I find this term very difficult, as we're sort of left to our own devices, I guess, and I'm not very good at doing that. I'm the sort of person that, unless my heart is completely in something, I need a good prod to keep me on track and not to get drifted off into the world of "I'm going to plan a holiday that I'm never going to be able to afford".

So anyway, I'm currently at home at the back of beyond in Wales, just to have a change of scenery, and hopefully I'll be feeling much more clear headed and focused when I return to the Land of the Manc.

I apologise for this long and rambly post, I know it's not the sort of post I usually do, but hey, you can't always get what you want in the world can you?

P.S. I'm going to try and be a bit better with my blogging. I mean, 20 days not writing anything is a bit naughty, isn't it?

Look Up - A Response

This video basically sums up and puts into words how I have been feeling about today's generation. My closest friends already know that I very strongly dislike what technology has done to us as a society.

It bothers me that it is practically a social norm to text Person A while talking face to face with Person B. I personally think it's rude. It's exactly the same as sitting having a cup of coffee with someone and stopping mid-sentence, turning your back on them and start having another conversation with someone else. We all do it, I know I do, but I've recently become concious of when I do it, and now that I'm aware, it makes me uncomfortable when I reply to a text while I should be giving a friend my full attention or vice versa.

Whatever happened to writing letters? I am an avid letter writer. If I have taken the time to sit and write a letter to my friends, why can't they do the same for me? Or I get an acknowledgement of the letter on facebook, but no reply. Not even a long message in reply to my letter. It's not hard, yes it will cost you (at most) 62p for a first class stamp, but it's so much more personal, and think of the smile that you will put on your friend's face when they see that letter for them in the post. I wish people would write more letters. You can keep letters, put them in a special box, or put them up on your wall. You can't do that with facebook messages and texts.

I also don't understand why people feel the need to document their life. I know, ironic, I'm saying this on a blog, for people to read, on the internet.....but when was the last time you went for a day out and didn't take loads of photos with the sole purpose of uploading them straight onto facebook/instagram/twitter when you got home? I upload a lot of photos, I know I do, but I also have lots and lots of photos on my phone that make me smile that I haven't put up. Of course I see the positives of having a facebook profile - networking, keeping in contact with friends that live far away, organising last minute trips etc, but don't you think it's a bit sad when people feel the need to share what they're doing rather than sit back and enjoy the moment they are living and creating new memories?

Here's a funny story: I got a friend request recently, and I was sat around people when I received the request. It was someone a couple of years above me at College. One of my friends genuinely said "oh, you can't reply yet, you'll look too keen." Excuse me? Do people really think into social networking so much that the time taken to accept a friend request was analysed? Did they really think "oh man, that was one fast request, she must be super eager"? I hope not! What does that say about today's generation?

Phone calls? Anyone? Remember them? When was the last time you called someone out of the blue, just for a chat, and not to see where they are, or can they please bring in milk on the way home? Phone calls are not restricted to your Significant Other, as I have noticed that people in relationships spend a lot more time on the phone to each other compared to those who are not involved within the relationship. I'm most definitely not saying spend less time on the phone to them, I'm saying spend all the time on the phone to lots of different people! The other day, I felt down and I called one of my closest friends and she made me feel better. There's no way that she would have been able to make me feel better just by text or over facebook.

I try, every day, to spend an hour away from all things comprising of social media, and in that hour I am itching to check my phone for the first, I don't know, 20 minutes? But after that, it's quite nice, I get things done, I read my book, I listen to music, I sit down and watch an episode of Once Upon A Time. It's so nice to sit and not worry about what other people are doing in their lives. When was the last time you turned your phone off, and just watched something? I genuinely believe that social media websites such as facebook and twitter are making us as a society very antisocial and we are getting twisted and distorted views of other people's way of life. We tend to only post about when we're feeling happy, because if you're feeling sad people might think you're craving attention.

Immerse yourself in the things around you. When you feel bored, and you can feel yourself itching to know what's going on in the world, pick up the newspaper. Or phone a friend you haven't spoken to in a while. Or write a letter or an email. Listen to an audio-book and knit. Tidy your room. Paint. Dance around your room with your friends. And don't snapchat it. Bake some cookies. Seriously, if only one person who reads this does just one of these things, I will be one step closer to making the world a happier and relaxed place.

Romantic Expectations

It has recently come to my attention that I think I may have fairly high expectations of the male gender. You know why this is? Chick flicks. And Disney.

I was sat watching What Happens in Vegas the other day, you know, the one with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher (who is mighty fine in that film, I'd like to add), and as in every chick flick, darling Ashton upsets Cameron and she goes running off to sit on an island and he goes running after her. I don't think that happens in real life. I've never had Ashton Kutcher come running after me when I'm feeling a little sad.... I WISH. But seriously, every time a boy has upset me, or has broken up with me, there is a little part of me that hopes and dreams and wishes that he will come and do a great big Romantic Gesture. And he never has.

I remember when my first proper boyfriend and I broke up, he told me months later that he regretted the decision as soon as he woke up the next morning, and I told him that there was nothing I wanted more than to hear a knock on the door and to see his face. He told me that there were some days he just wanted to get on a bus to see me and to beg for my forgiveness. But he didn't. (If you're reading this....it's ok, I forgive you!!!!)

Take my sixth-form May Ball for example. I went to an all girls school, but the May Ball was for the students of my school and the boys school down the road. I wasn't particularly close with any of the guys to be honest, but there was still a little part of me that hoped and dreamed that when I arrived at the reception area there'd be a boy standing there with a corsage for me and declaring his undying love. It didn't happen.

Or, you know, everyone has that person who is a friend, but sort of more than a friend, as you can definitely sort of see something maybe happening with them, but you're not really sure how they feel (great English there, Harri). Well, I'm just saying that it would be nice if they announced in a lovely heart-warming manner that they feel the same about you. It will probably never happen.

I don't know why I bring about these expectations and hopes and dreams upon myself, because at the end of the day, no one is going to get hurt except me. Is it too much to ask though, to have one boy to do something really romantic and throw pebbles at my window, or to come find me if I was on holiday in Berlin or somewhere, or even plan out this great big surprise visit with all my friends and when I walk through the door they pick me up and announce that what he did was wrong, and he's sorry etc, like they do in the films.

I'm a complete hopeless romantic, I'm totally in love with the idea of true love, and I believe that my soul mate is walking around right now, maybe thinking these thoughts too. Perhaps I've already met them. That thought is really thrilling. I would be willing to do all of those things that I've listed above, but there's one thing that holds me back. The fear of rejection. Can you imagine, if I went to a lot of trouble to tell someone how I'm feeling and they turned around and said "Harri, I don't feel the same, but I hope we can stay friends". It's as if someone would have stabbed me in the heart, and just twisted the knife around to make sure that it hurt real good. Maybe people have had these thoughts about me, but aren't sure whether to act upon it.

If you have these ideas, or want to tell someone how you feel, then please, just do it. More often than not, the other person will really appreciate it, and they will hopefully reciprocate those feelings.

I don't know, maybe it's me, maybe I've watched one too many films, listened to too many musicals, sang too much Taylor Swift, read too many books and have this unrealistic expectation of men. Or maybe, this is what I'd like to believe - I just haven't met the right boy yet.

(I've also just realised that this may backfire and no boy will ever want anything to do with me ever again because they'll believe that they'll never live up to my expectations. To be honest, unless you're a perfect mix of Harry Potter, Peeta Mellark, Captain Antonio Corelli and Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy, Kristoff from Frozen or Eugene Fitzherbert, you won't, but please don't let that put you off.)

Stalk-ception

You know when you've been stalking someone on facebook for a little too long? (We all do it, don't sit there and pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about.) You've looked through all that person's photos, scrolled down their timeline back to 2008.....ok, maybe I'm exaggurating, but I get a strange....let's call it a revelation...if I've been looking at someone's face for a little bit too long. Especially if I haven't seen or spoken to that person in a while. 

I get a strange thought process that goes through my head. If I were to map it out, it would go something like this: 

• Oh hey, that's a nice photo
• Aww, that's cute
• Oh look a cute kitten
• Their hair looks a little odd, but whatever, they're only human
• Wait, they're human
• Like, this is an actual person
• I used to KNOW this person
• I wonder if they're voice sounds the same
• Oh look, a photo of us....from 2011....
• Like, this is me and them together. WE USED TO KNOW EACHOTHER.
• What are they like now?
• This person isn't just a person in photos, like this is an actual person
• An actual person with feelings
• And an actual life
• Wow
• I wonder if they ever think of me

At this point I tend to have weird-ed myself out and have had to close the facebook tab. I can't even put into words my thought process. It only happens every now and then, and it tends to only happen if I haven't seen them or I am no longer speaking to them. 

I was just wondering if anyone else gets these strange, head-messing, thoughts when looking at someone. No? Just me? Great. 

Review | The Fault In Our Stars

The Fault In Our Stars, by Mr John Green, has been #1 on the New York Times Children's Best Seller's List, #1 on the Amazon Best Seller's List, and has had an amazing reaction from fans all over the cyberworld. However, I am not usually one to read a book simply because it's popular. I'm not sure why, I seem to get it into my head that because so many people are reading it, then it can't be that good. Please don't ask me how my brain has managed to come to that conclusion, I have no idea. But yeah, the jist is, I tend to avoid reading the currently popular books.

Many, many, many people had insisted that I must read TFIOS and that it would make me sob like a baby. As many of my friends know that I cry at every single emotion. Happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, fear, shock, laughter. You name it, my reaction would probably be to have tears sprouting from my
eyes. And I cry in practically every film. Another reason why I wasn't particularly drawn to read it. Why would I want to read a book that would make me bawl like a baby?

Anyway, there was one day I was making a large Amazon book haul, I saw that the book was £3.85 so I figured, what the heck? It was added to the basket, and two weeks later it was on my doorstep. Last weekend I went to London, and I thought I'd take it for some easy reading on the train. It was very easy to read, I very much enjoyed Mr John Green's style of writing as it is not dissimilar to his way of speaking on his vlogs, which I try and watch every week. I finished it in a day.

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves" - William Shakespeare.

I'm going to assume that this is the quote that inspired the title of this book. I can see that Mr John Green has used the quote almost ironically, as the tragic love story between Hazel Grace Lancaster and Augustus Waters is very much written in the stars and it is fate what is happening to them and there is nothing that can be changed about it.

Here is where my opinion may be a little different to the majority of people.....I wasn't that overly impressed it. The story, in my opinion, is a little so-so, and I feel that it got the attention it received because the story was centred around cancer. I didn't sob like people had promised. I did get a little lump in my throat, but I was completely dry-eyed for the entire book. I found the main character a little irritating, constantly comparing herself to a fictional character of her favourite book, and to be honest, I think I would have preferred to know the story from Gus's point of view (although I can see how that wouldn't quite work.....)

They fell in love in what seemed like 5 minutes, and they are of the ages of 16 and 17. I'm sorry, but it is highly unlikely that what they were feeling was indeed True Love, and even if [SPOILER ALERT] Gus hadn't died at the end, the relationship probably would not have lasted for a long time. I may be wrong, but I couldn't help think this with every sentence that I read.

I spoke to a very good friend of mine, and although she hadn't read the book, she said that one of the reasons why the story is so popular is due to the romantic and tragic notion of the two protagonists suffering from this disease and the inevitability of death. However, don't you think that this may be romanticising a dreadful disease like cancer?

I am terribly sorry to my dear friends who had recommended me to read TFIOS to read, but it had very high expectations, and the book simply did not live up to them.

If you have any opinions that you would like to share with me, then please feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The Magical World of Harry Potter

On Christmas morning, I was told to open a certain present last. It was envelope shaped, and inside was possibly the best Christmas present any Harry Potter fan could ask for - two tickets for the Harry Potter Studio Tour. I immediately texted Flatty B, knowing she was a massive HP fan too and that she hadn't been before. She said yes, and I promptly booked it.

That day, was yesterday! I was practically crying with excitement all the way down from Manchester to the studios. It was a dream come true. The shuttle bus was possibly the finest decorated bus I'd ever seen, and I believe I actually squealed with excitement when it approached the bus station in Watford Junction.

One of the first things you see when you get in is three of the original giant chess pieces from the first film. I squealed again (there was a lot of squealing going on today, well done to Flatty B for coping), and I went over to have a photo. So many photos were taken, I'm sure my facebook friends thoroughly appreciated the 196 photos I uploaded this morning. 

We arrived a little early, so we went into the shop and had a look around. Memorabilia galore! So many trinkets, hoodies, glasses, mugs, scarves, books and wands! So many wands!

Voldemort's wand!

Anyways, we began to queue, and while you passed the cupboard under the stairs complete with glasses and the little horse toys that Harry plays with at the beginning of the first film. Again, much more squealing. We were taken into a waiting room, then into a cinema. They showed a brief introduction to the tour by Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson. This gave way to the main doors to the Great Hall. The magical words were said "Welcome to Hogwarts". We were both so excited and bounced into the Great Hall. The amount of detail was absolutely astonishing, and they even had the actual costumes that the actual actors wore! 

We were in here for about 15-20 minutes, before being herded into the back room to make way for the next tour. This room was so very magnificent. It had everything from information on all the directors, to make up, to the gates of Hogwarts, to Dumbledore's office, to troll's armour! 

Educational Decrees!

The Chamber of Secrets has been opened

Flatty B having a cheeky pose

In a little room off of this massive room was the opportunity to have a ride of a broomstick, which of course we jumped to the end of the line. Well, I flew a broomstick, Flatty B didn't want to. She played Mam for the day and held all my stuff. Thank you! But in order to have a go on a broomstick, you got to put on some robes. I was Gryffindor (of course....).

After this, we looked around the rest of the room. We saw the great big statue that was placed in the Ministry of Magic in the later films. You know, the one with the oppression of muggles! Oh, we saw some Death Eater's masks and costumes as well as the original Marauder's Map!! 

After about an hour in this room, it was time to go outside for a lovely refreshing drink of.....Butterbeer! It was very nice, very sweet though. Not what I expected it to taste like. It was like cream soda, caramel and something else that I couldn't put finger on. It was here that you could see the Knight Bus, Privet drive, Godric's Hollow and some more chess pieces. 

The next room we went into was one which was all about the CGI effects and make up. For example, the making of Robbie Coltrane into Hagrid, and we saw dead Dobby in a class case (always a sad moment....), and a werewolf, and the basilisk's head, and Aragog. He was hanging from the ceiling and I hadn't noticed him until Flatty B turned and said "oooh that's not very nice", I jumped and screamed. I don't like spiders at the best of times, let a giant one hanging from the ceiling. Needless to say, I scurried on quickly after that. Into Diagon Alley. The most magical street in the UK. The home of Gringotts Bank, Flourish and Blotts, Olivanders, Madam Malkin's Dress Shop, and of course, the Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. This, up to this point, was my favourite place and I really did not want to leave at all. The window displays were so detailed which all these strange gadgets that I really wish were real so I could go in and have a play with them. Amazing. 

The penultimate room we went into was my favourite room of the whole day, it found it quite emotional for some reason. I was so happy and excited that I couldn't contain it. Emotional music was being played, and the tears welled up in my eyes. It was real, standing in front of me, a giant model of Hogwarts. It was so much bigger than I expected, as people had said that it was quite small. As if, they must have seen a different model or something....? 

Apologies for bad quality and lighting, I had to use my ipad as my phone was running out of battery and the lights switched between night and day.

We then went into a room full of wand boxes, and I suddenly remembered something I had read ages ago, that each of the names on the wand boxes were the names of each member of the cast and crew. I told this to Flatty B and one of the workers overheard me, and seemed quite impressed that I knew. (Spot the nerd...).

This lead out into the shop, where I got excited and sad, because I didn't want to have to leave! I bought a big book on how they made the books into the films, and have been flicking through that this morning. There's so much information to take in, I can only read it in little chunks! I also bought a chocolate frog that I munched on the train home. I got the Helga Hufflepuff card! My most exciting purchase was the hardback edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. I've never seen it in hardback, and as it's my favourite book, I couldn't resist. It now has pride of place on my bookshelf with all my other copies of the books. I cannot wait to read it.

This day was amazing. As a Harry Potter fan from a really young age, stepping into the world really made it come to life for me. I would happily go down again next week and the week after and the week after that. In the summer I am hopefully going to drag my parents to come with me and see it again. Such an amazing day, and I went to bed with a great big smile on my face. A massive thank you to Flatty B for coming with me, and for coping with my excitement all day, and a super-massive thank you to Mother and Father for giving me this wonderful experience for Christmas.

Lazing on a Sunny Afternoon

Yesterday, I woke up with a feeling of dread - it was the morning of a couple of Exams. (Dictation and group improvisation, in case you wondered.) These are a few of my weakest areas in the study of Music, so naturally, I felt apprehensive. I picked up my iPad, to check any emails I may have received during the night, and found an email from my lecturer saying that he was unwell. No exam! Hooray! I lolled about in bed for a while, deliberating this new freedom I had for the day.

At around 9am I decided to get up and begin the day. It was beautiful outside, the sun was shining and the birds were chirruping. A gorgeous, crisp, spring morning. I wandered into the kitchen where Flatty H was making her breakfast and I announced that there was no exam. She handed me a cup of tea in excitement, and ran up to Flatty B's room to share this fantastic news.

It was here we all wondered what to do with our day. Both Flatties didn't have to be in College until around 4pm, which was when I left for work. It was suggested that we go to the tea and cake shop up the road which we had been meaning to go to since we moved in. It was decided - we must go. It would be a shame to waste such a beautiful day.

I went for a run in the park, did a couple of laps and went home. It was not only sunny, but it was warm. I got home, and for the first time in ages, all three of us had lunch together. Flatty H and I made some sweet potato fries to go with our chicken/fish/veggie pie, and some beans. Yum.

After about an hour of enjoying each other's company, we ambled out into the sun for our Cake Date. Such excitement was bestowed upon us.We wandered into the empty shop and were greeted warmly with the pleasant site of cake, cake and more cake. So many decisions to be made. Cupcake or slice? Brownie or rocky road? Plain or exciting? I settled for a cup of lemon tea and a Malteser cupcake, Flatty B had a blueberry cake and a cookies and cream milkshake, and Flatty H had a giant slice of Red Velvet cake and a hot chocolate.

It was joked that I kept scrounging their cakes/drinks from them, but I couldn't help it - I wanted to try as much as I could! We were there for about an hour, and it most definitely won't be the last time we visit. 

It was a wonderful day spent with Flatties, and days like this are very special and close to my heart as I am blessed with two wonderful friends. It's nice every now and then to take a day off from the day job/College/life and spend it bantering, catching up and enjoying the company of your dear chums. 

Flatties and cakes. (The best things in life)

Much filter, very book, such bricks. (Ironic hipstery)

Rumours

Forgive me, dear friends, for I have not written in over a week. I apologise. Let us move on.

This has been bothering me for a while, something that I fail to understand: why do people go out of their way to make other people miserable?

My friends have often used the word "schadenfreude" when describing me, but I would never plan to make other people sad for my happiness. I just enjoy a bad party so much more if I know that everyone else is having a bad time, and it's not just me. That's not so bad is it? 

I just do not understand. What makes them feel the need to deliberately say something that may or may not be true, and none of their business, about somebody else? What did that other person do to them? Is it to gain popularity? Maybe they dislike someone and would like to make their lives miserable? Who knows.

I can only speak for myself, I enjoy a lovely bit of juicy gossip as much as the next guy, but I would never, ever, slightly exaggerate or even make something up about someone else. It really bothers me that people feel the need to do this. Surely if you dislike someone, wouldn't it be best if you do not get involved with their life and be civil? Do not accuse them of things that are untrue. If you have an issue with one of your friends, speak to them about it. They will appreciate and respect the fact that you had the courage to go and discuss your problems, and hopefully your relationship will be stronger than ever. 

Now back to the reasons why. To gain popularity? Do you really believe that the best way to make friends is to make things up about other people in your life? One day, the things that you have said will come back and (for want of a better phrase) bite you on the arse. Your friends will discover what you have said was untrue, and you will end up being humiliated and your friends will leave you. Do you want that? No, didn't think so. Make friends by finding things in common and being nice. It can get you a long way.

If you dislike someone and want to make their life miserable, put on their shoes for a moment. Think about the words you are saying and how it is having an effect on their life. How would you like it if someone you're not really friends with was saying mean things about you? I can't imagine you'd like it very much. Now imagine if someone you're not really friends with start saying mean things about you to your friends and they believed them? Now there's an issue. This is what happens, and congratulations, you have made their life miserable. What have you gained? Nothing. You will gain more from being civil and will therefore move on and grow as a person.

I would just like everyone to be friends and to be happy, I know that this is unrealistic and is just me living in my happy little world, but I can compromise with people living in harmony. And, finally, in my opinion, people who feel then need to do this kind of thing, they are not fooling anyone. If you are in the situation where people are spreading rumours about you, remember this: they are the ones who have the issues, not you. They are far too cowardly to come and speak to you like a mature person, and until they decide to grow up and face up to what the have done, they are not worth your time. 

Phobias

Phobias. We all claim to have one. But what exactly is a phobia?

The Oxford dictionary definition is: 

However, how do you tell the difference between a normal little fear to a Phobia? I personally, don't like spiders. I hate them, loathe them, despise of them, and hope that one day they all die out. It's not unheard of for me to go sleep in the room next door because I saw a spider crawl under my bed and therefore cannot sleep. Is that a phobia? Do I suffer from arachnophobia? Or is it just a little inconvenience? 

I also rather dislike small enclosed spaces. I feel uncomfortable if I am in a small space, for example, a cave. Hate caves. Can't go in them, one of the reasons being that I have an irrational fear of them collapsing. The likelihood of this actually happening is very slim, I have never experienced it, and I know perfectly well that they've been standing for thousands of years. So why am I afraid of them? When I was younger I was uncomfortable when standing under a bridge. For the same reason: incase it falls down. Do I have a phobia of things collapsing? Or is it a fear? Or is it just the over-active imagination of a child, and I have just associated these objects with these thoughts? 

If you often read my blogs, you will know that I went to Norway last week. This involved flying on a plane. I really don't like taking off. I hate it when the plane suddenly speeds up and you're glued to your seat and then the jolt as it leaves the ground and then when they turn corners and the you're looking down at the world beneath you. Yeurgh. I did discover, that I am mostly alright for the flight, only when I forget that I'm on a plane. "How can you forget you're on a plane?" I can hear you sneering from here. Like, when you get really into a book or you have a nap or you watch a film. When I am aware I'm on a plane, I think these thoughts: if anything were to happen there is no way of getting out. You can't run away, and you have to face these enevitable death which comes in the form of falling to the ground in a plane. I begin to panic slightly.

I see phobias like this. If you can live with them and you they don't have that much of an impact on your life? Then it's not a phobia. If you can't, if you, like me, feel the need to leave your bed because you'd rather sleep somewhere else because of a possibility of a spider being under it? That's not healthy. I know I have a deep irrational fear of a cave collapsing, and not being able to be free. What is I am afraid of? Is it the actual cave? Is it the collapsing? Or is it the possibility of it collapsing and then not being able to get out? If it is the third one, then that can be linked to my fear of flying. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of flying. I am willing to go through it in order to travel to new places. If I couldn't fly at all, that's when I have a phobia. 

Do you see? A phobia isn't a set thing. It is a mixture of different things that can sort of be analysed. This can then help you conquer your fears/phobias if you feel the need to.

To put it simply: do you have aluchophobia (a fear of darkness), or are you afraid of what is in the dark?

Please feel free to comment and tell me what your phobias are, and what you think of my opinions. 

Dydd Gwyl Dewi Hapus!

Happy Saint David's Day everybody! I feel so patriotic towards my home country of Wales on this day. I even have a pack of welsh cakes open beside me. At home there's always a sense of celebration and pride to be Welsh. In Manchester, there's nothing. No daffodils, no Cawl being sold everywhere (not that I like Cawl. Bleurgh), and no leeks.

When I was in primary school, there used to be a little Eisteddfod and the four houses would compete against each other to gain points, and at the end of the competition, there was a ceremony for the Bardd, who would win the Cadair. Usually, whoever's house got the Chair won because it was worth like a gazillion points. I was in the house that always lost. Every year we lost. Every. Single. Year.

When I try to explain to my English friends what an Eisteddfod is...I can't. There isn't an English version. It's a welsh tradition through and through to celebrate the music, poetry and arts of Wales.

This tradition took over the whole school day, which meant NO LESSONS! It was also one of the few days of the year that the whole school would sit down together and eat a hearty meal of Cawl. However, this meant that there was no room for those of us who had sandwiches for lunch so we always used to get shoved into a classroom. Boosucks to the school-dinner-eaters - we had Jenga. Mother always used to make me feel special on St David's Day, as it was one of the few days a year I was allowed to have chocolate spread in my sandwiches. The only other few days were my birthday and the Christmas dinner day (which more often than not, landed on the same day).

Oh I'm forgetting the most important thing. We dressed up in the traditional welsh costume which consists of a white blouse, a red shawl, a red skirt with a black line at the bottom, and my favourite part - the bonnet. A black bonnet with white lace. Oh, how I grew to hate that outfit. As we got older, many of the girls wore Welsh rugby shirts instead, but I was never allowed to do this. I hated that outfit with such passion, but now at the ripe old age of 20, I just remember nothing but fond memories for this day.

Because the whole school sat down in one sitting together, we were allowed a longer play time. Most years St David's Day was a crisp, sunny, spring day, and there was nothing we liked to do more than play the game 'Olden Days' in the playground. As a result of being in the outfit, we travelled back in time and imagined what life used to be like when people wore these clothes for everyday purposes.

I'm currently sat on my bed, with my Welsh flag draped around my shoulders, smiling fondly at the memories of my primary school days (and procrastinating from writing my essay.....)

The End of a Relationship

What I don't understand about the end of a relationship is that it is almost expected in today's society to break up and then to never talk to each other again. Full stop. The end.

That is not how I think it should be. In today's society, it's almost considered weird when two people break up and stay friends. But if you think about it, it makes so much more sense that way. Surely, you'd think that two people who care(d) so much about each other, would still care about the other at some level, even after the relationship is over. In the very wise words of Carrie Bradshaw "But if you love somone and you break up, where does all the love go?". Couldn't have put it better myself.

How is it that two people who were once, at some point, the other's world, their everything, can you go from telling each other everything one day, breaking up the next, and then never speaking to them? That's the part I find the hardest. Its the fact that they were willing to open up to them and tell them every single little thing, and then breaking up, knowing that the other knew all these things about them.

If you break up badly, and don't talk it through properly, then the after effects can be messy which then causes people to never speak again ever. Full stop. The end. This may result in one half of the party telling some of their friends the things that they told them in confidence, and the other half would find out. That's messy. In my opinion, it really isn't needed.

I've had my fair share of messy breakups, but I remember, at the end of my first relationship when I was 14, (despite it not being the most serious relationship ever), we stayed friends and although we both needed our space for a few months, when he found out that someone wasn't being very nice to me, I remember him being so angry and texting me to make sure that I was alright. He even helped me through my first messy break up. We've grown apart now, but that I am ever thankful to him for not making my life difficult.

As mentioned before, after my first messy breakup which was dragged out over months and months and despite it ending up with the both of us blocking the other on facebook, we're good pals now! We didn't speak for about 8 or 9 months, and I remember I found him on tumblr, and I thought I'd say hello. We stayed up all night that night, talking about our lives and the reasons why our relationship had ended, and since then, although we're not close, we still talk. (Hi, if you're reading.....) It's not even a little bit weird, and I feel completely comfortable going to him if I have an issue, because although he might not be the person who knows me the best now, he was at one point.

I just find it really upsetting when someone says they regret a relationship, or they break up really badly, because:

1. never regret anything. I am a strong believer that all your experiences, good or bad, shape who you are at this very moment. Instead of usnig the word "regret" try using the word "learnt". If you believe that you regret something, try thinking about what you learnt, and how you can use that past experience to your advantage in the future.
2. If you're mature enough to be in a relationship, you can be mature enough to deal with the emotional consequences of both parties if/when you break up. It's all over the TV that you feel like you have to 'take sides'. Why not take a step back, look at the relationship and the other person from an outsider's point of view, and think "how can I make this better?", or "if my friends were in this situation, what advice would I give them?" or even put yourself in your other half's shoes, and try to understand why they're behaving how they are. Are they angry at you? Do they still love you? Are they trying to move on with their life and you're stopping them? 

Although, you can't force anyone into thinking this way. Through experiencing my own break ups, and observing others, usually, it takes both parties having a similar outlook on the end of the relationship to remain friends and to not let the fact that you may not want to kiss and cuddle any more, but that they are still there for you as a friend.