Been a while....

My dear readers, I believe this is the longest I have gone without writing my inner-most thoughts and feelings upon my web-log. Alas, I have my reasons, some of which will become clear in the not too distant future.

No, but seriously, I've been having a severe case of writers block. I tried, honestly I did. Every other day I'd sit down ready to tap away at my keyboard, but I'd open up a new page, and nothing would come out. Or if it did, it was sheer garbage. If I could, I would have ripped up the virtual page on which I am writing, thrown it in a bin and burnt it.

I've had a lot of things on my mind recently, and writing, for me, is a way to organise some of the things that have been racing around my head. I enjoy it, it's calming. The power of words never fails to astonish me, but recently, I felt that nothing was on my side.

I just believe that with a recital looming around the corner, trying to eat healthily (chocolate is a definite weakness....), so many essays needed to be handed in, blogging stresses, reed stresses, going to the gym, practising, my pathetic excuse of a love life (oh, the hardship of being a 20 year old singleton, woe is me), and on top of all of that trying to get my head around the fact that I'm moving to a different country next year. I shall do a whole other blog post on this once everything is sorted. I thought it was but now there's another complication. Excellent. So many things have been happening in my life, but at the same time, nothing has really been happening.

I find this term very difficult, as we're sort of left to our own devices, I guess, and I'm not very good at doing that. I'm the sort of person that, unless my heart is completely in something, I need a good prod to keep me on track and not to get drifted off into the world of "I'm going to plan a holiday that I'm never going to be able to afford".

So anyway, I'm currently at home at the back of beyond in Wales, just to have a change of scenery, and hopefully I'll be feeling much more clear headed and focused when I return to the Land of the Manc.

I apologise for this long and rambly post, I know it's not the sort of post I usually do, but hey, you can't always get what you want in the world can you?

P.S. I'm going to try and be a bit better with my blogging. I mean, 20 days not writing anything is a bit naughty, isn't it?

Look Up - A Response

This video basically sums up and puts into words how I have been feeling about today's generation. My closest friends already know that I very strongly dislike what technology has done to us as a society.

It bothers me that it is practically a social norm to text Person A while talking face to face with Person B. I personally think it's rude. It's exactly the same as sitting having a cup of coffee with someone and stopping mid-sentence, turning your back on them and start having another conversation with someone else. We all do it, I know I do, but I've recently become concious of when I do it, and now that I'm aware, it makes me uncomfortable when I reply to a text while I should be giving a friend my full attention or vice versa.

Whatever happened to writing letters? I am an avid letter writer. If I have taken the time to sit and write a letter to my friends, why can't they do the same for me? Or I get an acknowledgement of the letter on facebook, but no reply. Not even a long message in reply to my letter. It's not hard, yes it will cost you (at most) 62p for a first class stamp, but it's so much more personal, and think of the smile that you will put on your friend's face when they see that letter for them in the post. I wish people would write more letters. You can keep letters, put them in a special box, or put them up on your wall. You can't do that with facebook messages and texts.

I also don't understand why people feel the need to document their life. I know, ironic, I'm saying this on a blog, for people to read, on the internet.....but when was the last time you went for a day out and didn't take loads of photos with the sole purpose of uploading them straight onto facebook/instagram/twitter when you got home? I upload a lot of photos, I know I do, but I also have lots and lots of photos on my phone that make me smile that I haven't put up. Of course I see the positives of having a facebook profile - networking, keeping in contact with friends that live far away, organising last minute trips etc, but don't you think it's a bit sad when people feel the need to share what they're doing rather than sit back and enjoy the moment they are living and creating new memories?

Here's a funny story: I got a friend request recently, and I was sat around people when I received the request. It was someone a couple of years above me at College. One of my friends genuinely said "oh, you can't reply yet, you'll look too keen." Excuse me? Do people really think into social networking so much that the time taken to accept a friend request was analysed? Did they really think "oh man, that was one fast request, she must be super eager"? I hope not! What does that say about today's generation?

Phone calls? Anyone? Remember them? When was the last time you called someone out of the blue, just for a chat, and not to see where they are, or can they please bring in milk on the way home? Phone calls are not restricted to your Significant Other, as I have noticed that people in relationships spend a lot more time on the phone to each other compared to those who are not involved within the relationship. I'm most definitely not saying spend less time on the phone to them, I'm saying spend all the time on the phone to lots of different people! The other day, I felt down and I called one of my closest friends and she made me feel better. There's no way that she would have been able to make me feel better just by text or over facebook.

I try, every day, to spend an hour away from all things comprising of social media, and in that hour I am itching to check my phone for the first, I don't know, 20 minutes? But after that, it's quite nice, I get things done, I read my book, I listen to music, I sit down and watch an episode of Once Upon A Time. It's so nice to sit and not worry about what other people are doing in their lives. When was the last time you turned your phone off, and just watched something? I genuinely believe that social media websites such as facebook and twitter are making us as a society very antisocial and we are getting twisted and distorted views of other people's way of life. We tend to only post about when we're feeling happy, because if you're feeling sad people might think you're craving attention.

Immerse yourself in the things around you. When you feel bored, and you can feel yourself itching to know what's going on in the world, pick up the newspaper. Or phone a friend you haven't spoken to in a while. Or write a letter or an email. Listen to an audio-book and knit. Tidy your room. Paint. Dance around your room with your friends. And don't snapchat it. Bake some cookies. Seriously, if only one person who reads this does just one of these things, I will be one step closer to making the world a happier and relaxed place.

Romantic Expectations

It has recently come to my attention that I think I may have fairly high expectations of the male gender. You know why this is? Chick flicks. And Disney.

I was sat watching What Happens in Vegas the other day, you know, the one with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher (who is mighty fine in that film, I'd like to add), and as in every chick flick, darling Ashton upsets Cameron and she goes running off to sit on an island and he goes running after her. I don't think that happens in real life. I've never had Ashton Kutcher come running after me when I'm feeling a little sad.... I WISH. But seriously, every time a boy has upset me, or has broken up with me, there is a little part of me that hopes and dreams and wishes that he will come and do a great big Romantic Gesture. And he never has.

I remember when my first proper boyfriend and I broke up, he told me months later that he regretted the decision as soon as he woke up the next morning, and I told him that there was nothing I wanted more than to hear a knock on the door and to see his face. He told me that there were some days he just wanted to get on a bus to see me and to beg for my forgiveness. But he didn't. (If you're reading this....it's ok, I forgive you!!!!)

Take my sixth-form May Ball for example. I went to an all girls school, but the May Ball was for the students of my school and the boys school down the road. I wasn't particularly close with any of the guys to be honest, but there was still a little part of me that hoped and dreamed that when I arrived at the reception area there'd be a boy standing there with a corsage for me and declaring his undying love. It didn't happen.

Or, you know, everyone has that person who is a friend, but sort of more than a friend, as you can definitely sort of see something maybe happening with them, but you're not really sure how they feel (great English there, Harri). Well, I'm just saying that it would be nice if they announced in a lovely heart-warming manner that they feel the same about you. It will probably never happen.

I don't know why I bring about these expectations and hopes and dreams upon myself, because at the end of the day, no one is going to get hurt except me. Is it too much to ask though, to have one boy to do something really romantic and throw pebbles at my window, or to come find me if I was on holiday in Berlin or somewhere, or even plan out this great big surprise visit with all my friends and when I walk through the door they pick me up and announce that what he did was wrong, and he's sorry etc, like they do in the films.

I'm a complete hopeless romantic, I'm totally in love with the idea of true love, and I believe that my soul mate is walking around right now, maybe thinking these thoughts too. Perhaps I've already met them. That thought is really thrilling. I would be willing to do all of those things that I've listed above, but there's one thing that holds me back. The fear of rejection. Can you imagine, if I went to a lot of trouble to tell someone how I'm feeling and they turned around and said "Harri, I don't feel the same, but I hope we can stay friends". It's as if someone would have stabbed me in the heart, and just twisted the knife around to make sure that it hurt real good. Maybe people have had these thoughts about me, but aren't sure whether to act upon it.

If you have these ideas, or want to tell someone how you feel, then please, just do it. More often than not, the other person will really appreciate it, and they will hopefully reciprocate those feelings.

I don't know, maybe it's me, maybe I've watched one too many films, listened to too many musicals, sang too much Taylor Swift, read too many books and have this unrealistic expectation of men. Or maybe, this is what I'd like to believe - I just haven't met the right boy yet.

(I've also just realised that this may backfire and no boy will ever want anything to do with me ever again because they'll believe that they'll never live up to my expectations. To be honest, unless you're a perfect mix of Harry Potter, Peeta Mellark, Captain Antonio Corelli and Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy, Kristoff from Frozen or Eugene Fitzherbert, you won't, but please don't let that put you off.)

Stalk-ception

You know when you've been stalking someone on facebook for a little too long? (We all do it, don't sit there and pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about.) You've looked through all that person's photos, scrolled down their timeline back to 2008.....ok, maybe I'm exaggurating, but I get a strange....let's call it a revelation...if I've been looking at someone's face for a little bit too long. Especially if I haven't seen or spoken to that person in a while. 

I get a strange thought process that goes through my head. If I were to map it out, it would go something like this: 

• Oh hey, that's a nice photo
• Aww, that's cute
• Oh look a cute kitten
• Their hair looks a little odd, but whatever, they're only human
• Wait, they're human
• Like, this is an actual person
• I used to KNOW this person
• I wonder if they're voice sounds the same
• Oh look, a photo of us....from 2011....
• Like, this is me and them together. WE USED TO KNOW EACHOTHER.
• What are they like now?
• This person isn't just a person in photos, like this is an actual person
• An actual person with feelings
• And an actual life
• Wow
• I wonder if they ever think of me

At this point I tend to have weird-ed myself out and have had to close the facebook tab. I can't even put into words my thought process. It only happens every now and then, and it tends to only happen if I haven't seen them or I am no longer speaking to them. 

I was just wondering if anyone else gets these strange, head-messing, thoughts when looking at someone. No? Just me? Great. 

Review | The Fault In Our Stars

The Fault In Our Stars, by Mr John Green, has been #1 on the New York Times Children's Best Seller's List, #1 on the Amazon Best Seller's List, and has had an amazing reaction from fans all over the cyberworld. However, I am not usually one to read a book simply because it's popular. I'm not sure why, I seem to get it into my head that because so many people are reading it, then it can't be that good. Please don't ask me how my brain has managed to come to that conclusion, I have no idea. But yeah, the jist is, I tend to avoid reading the currently popular books.

Many, many, many people had insisted that I must read TFIOS and that it would make me sob like a baby. As many of my friends know that I cry at every single emotion. Happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, fear, shock, laughter. You name it, my reaction would probably be to have tears sprouting from my
eyes. And I cry in practically every film. Another reason why I wasn't particularly drawn to read it. Why would I want to read a book that would make me bawl like a baby?

Anyway, there was one day I was making a large Amazon book haul, I saw that the book was £3.85 so I figured, what the heck? It was added to the basket, and two weeks later it was on my doorstep. Last weekend I went to London, and I thought I'd take it for some easy reading on the train. It was very easy to read, I very much enjoyed Mr John Green's style of writing as it is not dissimilar to his way of speaking on his vlogs, which I try and watch every week. I finished it in a day.

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves" - William Shakespeare.

I'm going to assume that this is the quote that inspired the title of this book. I can see that Mr John Green has used the quote almost ironically, as the tragic love story between Hazel Grace Lancaster and Augustus Waters is very much written in the stars and it is fate what is happening to them and there is nothing that can be changed about it.

Here is where my opinion may be a little different to the majority of people.....I wasn't that overly impressed it. The story, in my opinion, is a little so-so, and I feel that it got the attention it received because the story was centred around cancer. I didn't sob like people had promised. I did get a little lump in my throat, but I was completely dry-eyed for the entire book. I found the main character a little irritating, constantly comparing herself to a fictional character of her favourite book, and to be honest, I think I would have preferred to know the story from Gus's point of view (although I can see how that wouldn't quite work.....)

They fell in love in what seemed like 5 minutes, and they are of the ages of 16 and 17. I'm sorry, but it is highly unlikely that what they were feeling was indeed True Love, and even if [SPOILER ALERT] Gus hadn't died at the end, the relationship probably would not have lasted for a long time. I may be wrong, but I couldn't help think this with every sentence that I read.

I spoke to a very good friend of mine, and although she hadn't read the book, she said that one of the reasons why the story is so popular is due to the romantic and tragic notion of the two protagonists suffering from this disease and the inevitability of death. However, don't you think that this may be romanticising a dreadful disease like cancer?

I am terribly sorry to my dear friends who had recommended me to read TFIOS to read, but it had very high expectations, and the book simply did not live up to them.

If you have any opinions that you would like to share with me, then please feel free to discuss them in the comments below.